Last Saturday the world became a better place for us

Last Saturday I took my saddle to the arena with no thoughts to riding but it was there if everything went ok. I played with Scout first who, bucked, reared and generally decided that if I was going to be a leader I had to step up to the plate. Well i did and hence the rearing came back. Once we got that out of the way, rearing meant he had to get busy, he hates that. Then he calmed and we played patterns, touch it and chilled. Mini-weets are his new treat and he loves them! After an hour I thought, lets play with the saddle on. We did, nothing happened. Then I thought...well I will get on. So I asked for permission and got on. Woo hoo it was great and I did everything with no reins and only my stick! We did patterns, he looked for mini-weets and thanks to Bruce he found them. He really felt like a partner! We did lots of interesting things for him, at his pace and then he offered a canter! Amazing for a horse that likes to conserve energy and if it wasn't for his farting could almost be classified as carbon neutral!! I ended the day on a high with him, he got a little treat, lucerne chaff and minerals and a squirt from the hose.

Star waited patiently at the gate. He was so relaxed it was astounding. So I decided to ask permission and saddle him up. He said ok, stood still as a statue for this. I kicked myself as I had left my shims up at the stables and Star has a back with shape unlike Scout, so he needs some shims. Oh well, I saddled up, saddle sat ok but not perfect. We played a bit and then I got on. Star didn't like the idea of me getting on from the pedestal so I had to get on from the ground. Keeps me limber at least getting onto a 16hh horse! Once on board we did bending which he expected I think, we play this on the ground so he knows what I am asking. Then we set of at the walk! It was huge, his walk compared to Scout's is a huge 4 beat walk. :-) Gorgeous. He sighed as we did figure of 8 then out to follow the rail and then clover leaf. I kept him thinking and walking and with the lightest ask (I just thought it) we trotted. A calm relaxed balanced trot. Had it not been for me bracing it would have been perfect. Why can't I be like I used to be? Fluid with the horse, not a brace in sight? I don't ride Star with the stick yet, he's still needing more confidence with it but he is also a very differnt horse to Scout. He acted like a partner right from the start...where Scout has to be reminded. I think this stems from Scout being hand raised which has made him cocky and self assured as well as very LB!!!

I would have gone out and checked the fences had I had my saddle set up properly but decided to call it a day on a good note. Star was pleased I think. He yawned at least 6 times and for us both it was very emotional. Me because I have helped him come this far and for him I think he's finally realising that being with me isn't bad at all!

I was so happy I cried! Bruce got it in one. He said, "Well you have both been through so much together from the beginning to now you have both changed so much. Look at you both now, 12 months ago you wouldn't have dared to dream you would be here". He is very right. I dared to dream, stayed focused on my goal and it's all coming to gether.

I hope one day to go to a Savvy Spotlight with my two special boys and play with them together. Dreams they grow like seeds when given the attention of your imagination and the care of focus!

Thinking and assessing - what are my dreams?

My dream is to one day ride a dressage test on my partner Star. I will enter the arena with saddle and bridle and then at the halt and salute I will salute the judge, ask Star to bend to me. I will remove the bridle and continue on with the test bridleless. This is my dream, I will stay true to it and one day together we will achieve it. It's my selfish dream but I can see us achieving it.

Quality vs Quantity of Life

What to do. Next door to me is a 16hh TB gelding who is so very thin. He has a lovely LBI nature and apparently he is sick. Well that's what I am told. I am also told that he is very old. I don't believe that for one minute. I have looked at his teeth and put him between 10 and 15. He is so thin, about 2-3 on weight scale. He looks to be worm infested, lacking in minerals and is miserable. I am trying to get in touch with his owner to find out what she is going to do with him. He has two other companions who although neglected are doing ok. I really want to go into this paddock, get him and bring him home to our place. That I can't do as I could be charged with theft!

Why do people have horses who aren't prepared to care for them? It makes me so angry!

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I have since spoken to his owner. She tells me the horse is her sisters. He is elderly and has a disease which affects his ability to metabolise food. It's some sort of wasting disease. She doesn't see him much and wasn't really concerned when I told her that on the very hot days this horse was obviously suffering. I talked to her about quality vs quantity of life. Some people just don't get it. I feel for this horse.

Honesty

I have to say this.  

I have to be honest with myself.  I have to be honest with my horses and most of all I have to be honest in my actions. 

There is no point riding when my heart is not in it.  There is no point in making myself do something that should be joyful or it will turn into a chore.

I have 2 horses that 12 months ago where dangerous, unrideable and bound for bad places.  I took them on to heal me as much as to heal them.  I took them on because I knew that these horses that others told me were only fit for the doggers would cause me to look for another way.  They have and I have found it.

I also along the way have learnt to have confidence in myself, my own depth of knowledge and really LISTEN to people.  There are comments like, you are so sensible, you know a lot about dressage, how do you make your horse do that?  You are a true horse lover.  All these comments I am now HEARING because I am listening again to others. Not my own inner voice of self doubt that quickly undermines my self esteem, my confidence and my outlook.

I am facing up to my demons now because I have confidence, stability and faith in myself and my demons are shrinking!

I look forward to the day when I ride Star and feel safe and he feels like he has a leader.  I look forward to the day when Scout is at a stage where Bruce, a total beginner, can ride him and I know he will be as safe as houses for him to learn.  I look forward to the day when we can load the horses in the float and go to the forest...ride along the beach and enjoy our partnership.

I have grown wary as I have grown older and as I approach my 40th birthday I am stripping away all the things that hold me back.

My 30's were conservative, my 40's are going to be one hell of a ride!

Still hot!

Not much has happened with the horses.  The garden on the other hand now has 300 metres of drip irrigation tubing installed.  With only one minor error corrected it all works fine!  I ache all over and have spent about 12 hours in the evenings and during the day yesterday getting it all in but now I feel better that at least my plants and subsequent plantings are going to be watered and watered wisely.  We bought 9,000 litres of water that was delivered yesterday and so our house water tank looks a bit healthier!  With no end in sight to the heat at this stage I think its going to be a quiet week  :-)