Honesty

I have to say this.  

I have to be honest with myself.  I have to be honest with my horses and most of all I have to be honest in my actions. 

There is no point riding when my heart is not in it.  There is no point in making myself do something that should be joyful or it will turn into a chore.

I have 2 horses that 12 months ago where dangerous, unrideable and bound for bad places.  I took them on to heal me as much as to heal them.  I took them on because I knew that these horses that others told me were only fit for the doggers would cause me to look for another way.  They have and I have found it.

I also along the way have learnt to have confidence in myself, my own depth of knowledge and really LISTEN to people.  There are comments like, you are so sensible, you know a lot about dressage, how do you make your horse do that?  You are a true horse lover.  All these comments I am now HEARING because I am listening again to others. Not my own inner voice of self doubt that quickly undermines my self esteem, my confidence and my outlook.

I am facing up to my demons now because I have confidence, stability and faith in myself and my demons are shrinking!

I look forward to the day when I ride Star and feel safe and he feels like he has a leader.  I look forward to the day when Scout is at a stage where Bruce, a total beginner, can ride him and I know he will be as safe as houses for him to learn.  I look forward to the day when we can load the horses in the float and go to the forest...ride along the beach and enjoy our partnership.

I have grown wary as I have grown older and as I approach my 40th birthday I am stripping away all the things that hold me back.

My 30's were conservative, my 40's are going to be one hell of a ride!